"It was spring, but it was summer I wanted,
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was thirty I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age that I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
My life was over,
but I never got what I wanted."
the warm days, and the great outdoors.
It was summer, but it was fall I wanted,
the colorful leaves, and the cool, dry air.
It was autumn, but it was winter I wanted,
the beautiful snow, and the joy of the holiday season.
I was a child, but it was adulthood I wanted,
the freedom, and the respect.
I was twenty, but it was thirty I wanted,
to be mature, and sophisticated.
I was middle-aged, but it was thirty I wanted,
the youth, and the free spirit.
I was retired, but it was middle-age that I wanted,
the presence of mind, without limitations.
My life was over,
but I never got what I wanted."
Author Unknown
Seems like maybe God is teaching me something. First at Women of Faith Luci Swindoll recited this poem. I thought. WOW! That is truly me, always wanting what is next. Always waiting for the next thing to arrive. But never being happen where I am.
Then at a Bible study this week we talked about Hannah and surrendering in waiting. I had an interesting conversation with a couple of women at my table. They asked me if some of my kids were in school and I told them yes. They said "Doesn't it feel great?". My answer "Actually I feel conflicted about it. I don't really think they should be there." I was being honest with these women. I don't really know what I expected them to say, but I didn't expect what they said. "You should never feel conflicted about sending them to school. You have deserved it. You have worked hard and now you can breath easy." Woah. Really? I feel like having them in school is more work for me. I do extra work with them on top of what they learn at school. I visit their classrooms to see what they are learning. Otherwise I might never know. Constantly correcting the bad habits and attitudes they are picking up from other kids. Boy...this is so not a break. And I am not breathing easy.(That is another blog maybe for tomorrow.) So then the speaker of the day talked about how wait should be a four letter word put with the rest of them. I totally agreed with her. She talked about as women that is what we are always doing...waiting. Waiting to be older....waiting for bills to stop...waiting for the check to come to pay the bills...waiting to get married....waiting for kids....then waiting for the kids to grow up and leave the house.
Have you ever been to a mall that you have never been to before? Say you just moved to the Twin Cities and you want to go to the Mall of America. Most people probably just walk around aimlessly. But how much better would your time be spent if you knew where you were? So you walk over to the directory to look at the list of stores and look at the map to find "You Are Here." How important to know we are here. How can we enjoy where we have come from or where we are or where we are going if we don't know we are here? Enjoying the moment we are in... The stage our kids are in... The house we are living in... The town God has placed us in. These at times are hard for me to do. How do I enjoy here if I want to be there so badly. The grass is always greener on the other side! I think I am going to enjoy the grass here for now.
I agree with the always wanting to get older...until we're older. I home school and while it is a lot of work, I enjoy being with them every day and seeing their sweet faces when I teach them something or they volunteer. I do not regret not feeling right about them being in school. Sometimes I regret the lunches with girlfriends and clean house. But I know that all that stuff will be here in 18 years and my babies won't.
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