I've been thinking a lot lately about how I met my husband. Most of you know that I met him a college, but that's not the whole story. He pretty much saved me from going down in a spiral that would have never lead me to here talking to all of you.
In high school I was in a pretty messed up relationship. I was ready to leave for college because that was the only way I saw getting away from him. Right when I got to college I pretty much started breaking rules. It was a pretty strict college and I started with the no dating first semester rule. I had fallen for a guy...I couldn't help it Honesty I think I was trying to fill something that a guy couldn't fill. When that didn't work out I went with a guy who told me God had told him we were to be together...well a week later I guess God had changed His mind!
Well that's when I got the phone call I never thought I would get. My ex from back home had called me. I was at a real low and it was the worst time to ever get the phone call that he had changed. He wanted to get back together and he was coming up to see me. There was no stopping him.
So there I am in the "fish bowl" at our school waiting for him to come see me. Then this guy came and sat across from me. Very serious looking. I knew who he was but I didn't really know him. He was one of the upperclassmen. Cute, funny and I was pretty good at imitating his walk. We would sit in girl's dorm and watch people walking around and try to imitate their walks. Every time someone wanted to see his walk I was the girl they called on.
He looked at me and said "Don't do it. Don't get back with him." I just stared at him in disbelief. I hadn't even told anyone that I was going to be seeing him. It was a chilling moment in my life because the only person who even knew I was thinking of getting back with this guy was God. After everything that had happened I thought maybe this is it. Maybe this is what my life is to be...maybe I can't do any better. But God knew better and he placed this wonderful my in front of me to tell me.
It wasn't until months later that we actually started hanging out. I always said he had me at "You can't be truly happy, because you can't have me!" Well look at now...the man who saved me. The man I couldn't have. Is my husband of 8 1/2 years. God knew that I could be truly happy. :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Very Honest!
So I am going to lay it all out there. I am not healthy right now. I am overweight and not in shape...AT ALL! So tonight I am starting fitness boot camp and I am letting you all know that my starting weight is 191! To me it's not really about losing the weight...although losing a few pounds would help me get to a healthier place. I want to be healthy!
Finding out some new health problems that run in my family have gotten me to a place where I just need to change things. I need to be focused on keeping this body healthy and happy! So here we are! Day 1!
Finding out some new health problems that run in my family have gotten me to a place where I just need to change things. I need to be focused on keeping this body healthy and happy! So here we are! Day 1!
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Days Like This...
I never want to end.
I want to sit and enjoy the sunshine.
Be amazed by the beauty of the flowers you give.
I want to wonder how I am blessed with such wonderful kids.
Enjoy the dirt on your knees.
Because nothing is as fun as getting dirty on a warm day!
Have fun with creative things to do.
And laugh because your sense of style is ALL you!
I want to enjoy you riding bikes...and I never want this day to end!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
Worship
I stand with empty hands
Lifting to the Heavens
I have nothing to give
My sad attempts
To give to you
Have left my heart sad
My trying is nothing good
For you ask of nothing
But my life to give to you
So I lift up myself
Giving all I have
You see me white as snow
I reach out to those
Who also have nothing
Hoping to see that with you....
They have everything!
Thursday, April 19, 2012
For Their Tender Hearts
Don't worry my random blog lovers. I will still be keeping this blog open and I will be using it to talk about my family and my random thoughts. But...for now head on over to my new blog and start following that one!
Friday, April 13, 2012
The Past...Healing
Last night I watched a documentary that was extremely disturbing to me. Part of it was the fact that the girl was so young, but the other reason was that it hits home with something that I have struggled with for years...
I watch a documentary about an eight year old struggling with anorexia. 8 years old! I sat and as I saw her frail little body I thought to myself what on earth could have caused her to do this? Not that it's always cut and dry like that, but at 8 things like body image, calories and fat should not be so heavy on your mind.
I started dealing with anorexia in high school. I don't think many people really noticed too much, but I would have people say different things to me and I am sure that they saw something. When things started getting a little out of control is when a few people stepped in and I then started to confide in a few of my friends. But really in was more of an inner struggle that I dealt with on my own.
All the possible reasons of why it started aren't important, but what is important is that there are times I still struggle with it. I will catch myself counting calories...I don't even really notice I am doing it at first and then at the end of the day I will tell myself about how many calories I had and then I quickly stop myself and pay more attention the next day. Other times I will catch myself "eating" while I cook a meal for the family and then try to justify that I don't actually need to eat the meal. It's there...it will always be there deep in the back of my head. If I didn't have a great husband and if I didn't have a strong personality and a strong faith it could possibly take over.
I guess what really saddened me is that for her whole life this little girl will possibly be dealing with this nasty disease her whole life. What a heavy and horrible thing for this little girl who should be carefree and have no worries...But in 2 years the number of girls under 10 who needed to be hospitalized because of an eating disorder increased by 50%! What's to blame for that?
Well honestly there are a number of different things that can contribute to the starting of an eating disorder. Many times it's never just one thing, but a combination of things. Stress, pressure to look good, abuse, change in the family, media...the list honestly is never ending. For each person the starting trigger is always different, but the core reason almost always seems to be the same...CONTROL. You feel a lack of control in your life and you desperately seek to control something...and there it is...the one thing you seem to be able to control, when actually it ends up controlling you.
Can we really blame young girls for worrying about their size and how they look? What do they watch? Who do they look up to? We live in a culture where skinny is all around us. It's on the TV it's in the movies...and teenage girls obsess over it! We live in a culture where more and more of a girls body is ok to show...but only if you look good enough showing it. We stress healthy eating to kids at such a young age. We constantly have the talk of diets an exercise swirling around the heads of little girls.
So what do we do? I think honestly we need to start teaching our kids early. We need to keep an eye on our young girls even before they hit the teen or pre-teen age. I love that my kids are taught to eat healthy at school, but I think they need to stop drilling it so much and actually start feeding my kids healthy food at school! Lead them by example. Speaking of being an example...Young women and teen girls please listen....
My girls are very young, but they look up to all the teens in our church. They look up to the young women...the young moms and even the older women. So this goes out to you...PLEASE be a good example to my child of how to dress and how to show yourself to others. As a mom I do my part as best I can, but I can't ignore that my girls look up to others. I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking they need to dress only half of their body and that in order to do that they need to really concentrate on their looks and weight. I pray that one day teens...especially those in the churches will figure it out. Your body is not to display to the world. Your body is yours and God did not intend for you to show it to everyone.
My desire is to see fewer girls dealing with the horrible world of eating disorders and truly loving their body for what it is. I want to see more girls get help for whatever stress or overwhelming situation they are in before they hit this point in life. I desire to see a healthy generation of girls grow up..and change what beauty is...to something much healthier and respectful.
I watch a documentary about an eight year old struggling with anorexia. 8 years old! I sat and as I saw her frail little body I thought to myself what on earth could have caused her to do this? Not that it's always cut and dry like that, but at 8 things like body image, calories and fat should not be so heavy on your mind.
I started dealing with anorexia in high school. I don't think many people really noticed too much, but I would have people say different things to me and I am sure that they saw something. When things started getting a little out of control is when a few people stepped in and I then started to confide in a few of my friends. But really in was more of an inner struggle that I dealt with on my own.
All the possible reasons of why it started aren't important, but what is important is that there are times I still struggle with it. I will catch myself counting calories...I don't even really notice I am doing it at first and then at the end of the day I will tell myself about how many calories I had and then I quickly stop myself and pay more attention the next day. Other times I will catch myself "eating" while I cook a meal for the family and then try to justify that I don't actually need to eat the meal. It's there...it will always be there deep in the back of my head. If I didn't have a great husband and if I didn't have a strong personality and a strong faith it could possibly take over.
I guess what really saddened me is that for her whole life this little girl will possibly be dealing with this nasty disease her whole life. What a heavy and horrible thing for this little girl who should be carefree and have no worries...But in 2 years the number of girls under 10 who needed to be hospitalized because of an eating disorder increased by 50%! What's to blame for that?
Well honestly there are a number of different things that can contribute to the starting of an eating disorder. Many times it's never just one thing, but a combination of things. Stress, pressure to look good, abuse, change in the family, media...the list honestly is never ending. For each person the starting trigger is always different, but the core reason almost always seems to be the same...CONTROL. You feel a lack of control in your life and you desperately seek to control something...and there it is...the one thing you seem to be able to control, when actually it ends up controlling you.
Can we really blame young girls for worrying about their size and how they look? What do they watch? Who do they look up to? We live in a culture where skinny is all around us. It's on the TV it's in the movies...and teenage girls obsess over it! We live in a culture where more and more of a girls body is ok to show...but only if you look good enough showing it. We stress healthy eating to kids at such a young age. We constantly have the talk of diets an exercise swirling around the heads of little girls.
So what do we do? I think honestly we need to start teaching our kids early. We need to keep an eye on our young girls even before they hit the teen or pre-teen age. I love that my kids are taught to eat healthy at school, but I think they need to stop drilling it so much and actually start feeding my kids healthy food at school! Lead them by example. Speaking of being an example...Young women and teen girls please listen....
My girls are very young, but they look up to all the teens in our church. They look up to the young women...the young moms and even the older women. So this goes out to you...PLEASE be a good example to my child of how to dress and how to show yourself to others. As a mom I do my part as best I can, but I can't ignore that my girls look up to others. I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking they need to dress only half of their body and that in order to do that they need to really concentrate on their looks and weight. I pray that one day teens...especially those in the churches will figure it out. Your body is not to display to the world. Your body is yours and God did not intend for you to show it to everyone.
My desire is to see fewer girls dealing with the horrible world of eating disorders and truly loving their body for what it is. I want to see more girls get help for whatever stress or overwhelming situation they are in before they hit this point in life. I desire to see a healthy generation of girls grow up..and change what beauty is...to something much healthier and respectful.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
She Makes me Think
The Inquisitor had four teeth pulled and she put them under her pillow waiting for me to put money under her pillow. Yes she knows that I am the real tooth fairy. It was funny because she told the dental assistant that it was really mom who puts the money there. The assistant told her she better believe in the tooth fairy if she wants to get her money. The Inquisitor then told her she would rather believe the truth.
Well this morning I realized I forgot to put the money under her pillow and I said something while we were in her room...not realizing that The Emotionalist was right behind me. You should have seen the look on her face! "You NEVER told me!" And she walks over to the stairs and sits down so disappointed. What struck me was that she wasn't disappointed that the tooth fairy wasn't real, she was disappointed that I didn't tell her!
So I sat her down and asked her if she wanted me to let her know about other things...and she said yes. So I sat her down and let her know about Santa, the Easter Bunny...each time I said something wasn't real she would say "Yeah...I know that!" Then she goes on to tell me that Leprechauns are also not real and that the pot of gold isn't really at the end of the rainbow.
My husband and I both thought that The Emotionalist knew that the tooth fairy wasn't real. We figured she was just pretending because we knew she didn't believe in the rest of them. She was fine after we had our little talk. I assured her that I would let her know from now on. I never figured that it would be like this...that she would be upset with me for not telling her. Anyway...she made me think today! I love when my kids make me think! :)
Well this morning I realized I forgot to put the money under her pillow and I said something while we were in her room...not realizing that The Emotionalist was right behind me. You should have seen the look on her face! "You NEVER told me!" And she walks over to the stairs and sits down so disappointed. What struck me was that she wasn't disappointed that the tooth fairy wasn't real, she was disappointed that I didn't tell her!
So I sat her down and asked her if she wanted me to let her know about other things...and she said yes. So I sat her down and let her know about Santa, the Easter Bunny...each time I said something wasn't real she would say "Yeah...I know that!" Then she goes on to tell me that Leprechauns are also not real and that the pot of gold isn't really at the end of the rainbow.
My husband and I both thought that The Emotionalist knew that the tooth fairy wasn't real. We figured she was just pretending because we knew she didn't believe in the rest of them. She was fine after we had our little talk. I assured her that I would let her know from now on. I never figured that it would be like this...that she would be upset with me for not telling her. Anyway...she made me think today! I love when my kids make me think! :)
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