Days Like This...

I never want to end.

I want to sit and enjoy the sunshine.

Be amazed by the beauty of the flowers you give.

I want to wonder how I am blessed with such wonderful kids.

Enjoy the dirt on your knees.

Because nothing is as fun as getting dirty on a warm day!

Have fun with creative things to do.

And laugh because your sense of style is ALL you!

I want to enjoy you riding bikes...and I never want this day to end!

Worship

I stand with empty hands

Lifting to the Heavens

I have nothing to give

My sad attempts

To give to you

Have left my heart sad

My trying is nothing good

For you ask of nothing

But my life to give to you

So I lift up myself

Giving all I have

You see me white as snow

I reach out to those

Who also have nothing

Hoping to see that with you....

They have everything!

For Their Tender Hearts

Hey everyone! I will not be writing on this blog as much as I normally do. I am focusing my writing and have started a new blog which is located at http://www.fortheirtenderhearts.com/. God has really been placing this on my heart and now I am acting on it.



Don't worry my random blog lovers. I will still be keeping this blog open and I will be using it to talk about my family and my random thoughts. But...for now head on over to my new blog and start following that one!

The Past...Healing

Last night I watched a documentary that was extremely disturbing to me. Part of it was the fact that the girl was so young, but the other reason was that it hits home with something that I have struggled with for years...

I watch a documentary about an eight year old struggling with anorexia. 8 years old! I sat and as I saw her frail little body I thought to myself what on earth could have caused her to do this? Not that it's always cut and dry like that, but at 8 things like body image, calories and fat should not be so heavy on your mind.

I started dealing with anorexia in high school. I don't think many people really noticed too much, but I would have people say different things to me and I am sure that they saw something. When things started getting a little out of control is when a few people stepped in and I then started to confide in a few of my friends. But really in was more of an inner struggle that I dealt with on my own.

All the possible reasons of why it started aren't important, but what is important is that there are times I still struggle with it. I will catch myself counting calories...I don't even really notice I am doing it at first and then at the end of the day I will tell myself about how many calories I had and then I quickly stop myself and pay more attention the next day. Other times I will catch myself "eating" while I cook a meal for the family and then try to justify that I don't actually need to eat the meal. It's there...it will always be there deep in the back of my head. If I didn't have a great husband and if I didn't have a strong personality and a strong faith it could possibly take over.

I guess what really saddened me is that for her whole life this little girl will possibly be dealing with this nasty disease her whole life. What a heavy and horrible thing for this little girl who should be carefree and have no worries...But in 2 years the number of girls under 10 who needed to be hospitalized because of an eating disorder increased by 50%! What's to blame for that?

Well honestly there are a number of different things that can contribute to the starting of an eating disorder. Many times it's never just one thing, but a combination of things. Stress, pressure to look good, abuse, change in the family, media...the list honestly is never ending. For each person the starting trigger is always different, but the core reason almost always seems to be the same...CONTROL. You feel a lack of control in your life and you desperately seek to control something...and there it is...the one thing you seem to be able to control, when actually it ends up controlling you.

Can we really blame young girls for worrying about their size and how they look? What do they watch? Who do they look up to? We live in a culture where skinny is all around us. It's on the TV it's in the movies...and teenage girls obsess over it! We live in a culture where more and more of a girls body is ok to show...but only if you look good enough showing it. We stress healthy eating to kids at such a young age. We constantly have the talk of diets an exercise swirling around the heads of little girls.

So what do we do? I think honestly we need to start teaching our kids early. We need to keep an eye on our young girls even before they hit the teen or pre-teen age. I love that my kids are taught to eat healthy at school, but I think they need to stop drilling it so much and actually start feeding my kids healthy food at school! Lead them by example. Speaking of being an example...Young women and teen girls please listen....

My girls are very young, but they look up to all the teens in our church. They look up to the young women...the young moms and even the older women. So this goes out to you...PLEASE be a good example to my child of how to dress and how to show yourself to others. As a mom I do my part as best I can, but I can't ignore that my girls look up to others. I don't want my daughters to grow up thinking they need to dress only half of their body and that in order to do that they need to really concentrate on their looks and weight. I pray that one day teens...especially those in the churches will figure it out. Your body is not to display to the world. Your body is yours and God did not intend for you to show it to everyone.

My desire is to see fewer girls dealing with the horrible world of eating disorders and truly loving their body for what it is. I want to see more girls get help for whatever stress or overwhelming situation they are in before they hit this point in life. I desire to see a healthy generation of girls grow up..and change what beauty is...to something much healthier and respectful.

She Makes me Think

The Inquisitor had four teeth pulled and she put them under her pillow waiting for me to put money under her pillow. Yes she knows that I am the real tooth fairy. It was funny because she told the dental assistant that it was really mom who puts the money there. The assistant told her she better believe in the tooth fairy if she wants to get her money. The Inquisitor then told her she would rather believe the truth.

Well this morning I realized I forgot to put the money under her pillow and I said something while we were in her room...not realizing that The Emotionalist was right behind me. You should have seen the look on her face! "You NEVER told me!" And she walks over to the stairs and sits down so disappointed. What struck me was that she wasn't disappointed that the tooth fairy wasn't real, she was disappointed that I didn't tell her!

So I sat her down and asked her if she wanted me to let her know about other things...and she said yes. So I sat her down and let her know about Santa, the Easter Bunny...each time I said something wasn't real she would say "Yeah...I know that!" Then she goes on to tell me that Leprechauns are also not real and that the pot of gold isn't really at the end of the rainbow.

My husband and I both thought that The Emotionalist knew that the tooth fairy wasn't real. We figured she was just pretending because we knew she didn't believe in the rest of them. She was fine after we had our little talk. I assured her that I would let her know from now on. I never figured that it would be like this...that she would be upset with me for not telling her. Anyway...she made me think today! I love when my kids make me think! :)

I am a Follower

The Way, Truth, And Life of Following Jesus

By Leonard Sweet

I love that someone finally wrote a book about following instead of leading. Too often we think that leading is the most important thing. But there are so many leaders, so many different ways to lead and everyone striving to be a leader...Who is going to follow? Who do you follow? And which way is right? When I think about leadership I often think about my daughters in the morning when they are all rushing so fast to get ready just so that they can be line leader. So often someone has forgotten to put on socks, brush their teeth or do their hair because they so badly wanted to be the leader. How good of a leader are they being if they have forgotten fundamental details in getting ready? This is how I see leadership so often in the church. Perhaps it is time to sit down and remember that their is one leader (Jesus) and many followers (the church). 

Leonard Sweet does a great job of laying out following as seen in the Bible. That we were never called to lead the masses but we were called to follow Christ. Sweet gives us great Biblical references and wonderful stories to help us understand his point. It's a great book that gives us tons of information and encouragement to be followers. Sweet at times can be a bit strong in his opinion and this book may not sit well with some. But I encourage you to read it and read it slowly. It's not a fast read, but it's a great read!

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

From my 2003 Journal....

I sit and gaze for a long, long time.

What did I do today?

Nothing

It's the most I've done in the recent past.

Father,

You have given me...

A place of peace.

Close beside You,

near Your heart.

You have given me...

A fortress of strength

A reservoir of love

I feel it flow

From Your strong arm around me.

You are my calm

I fun to You when I am worried.

You are my restorer

I come to You when I am empty

You are my warm fire,

Where I can safely

kick off my shoes

and rest awhile. 

(Please ignore my lack of punctuation!)

Prayer

I had a great reminder yesterday from a friend. I don't think she realized it, but it really hit me on how little I actually pray for others. How my prayer life is actually lacking a little bit. I tried to teach my girls that prayer is the most important thing we have. It's the one thing that can never be taken from us. Our church buildings could be gone, our Bibles could be scarce, but prayer is always with us. It's so important because this is how we communicate with God.

So lately why have I been showing them that debating is more important? I feel like lately that is really all people see is a person who is controversial and likes to debate. Is this really how I want people to see me?

What can I do to really change this? Well my friend reminded me that bring criticism to people is not what will help them. Why isn't our first thought when we hear a story that makes us morally cringe to pray? Why don't we pray more often for these people? Why don't I pray more often for these people?

Philippians 4:6
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God."

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
"Be joyful always; pray continually' give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

What is it that we should always turn to? Prayer! I guess it's made me think a lot. Before I start getting involved with debates. Before I start criticizing others. My first response will always be prayer.

Now I am not saying that we should stand by silently on issues. Because my spoken word is good, and it's a way to make people think, but how arrogant it would be of me to think that my words are stronger than prayer.  I hope from now on that you see a more prayerful spirit in my words, and words that are not so harsh.

Sing...

Those of you who know me well know that I love to sing. Music is a huge passion in my life! I have a red guitar that has been dear to me for years and a new ukulele that brings new passion into my heart! I love learning how to play it.

I still amaze my husband to this day with songs I know from bands that most people have never heard of. I would have been a straight A student in high school if I could have learned everything to music. I hear it once and I know it...

But I have come to accept that I have pretty much lost my singing voice. There feels like so much strain on it that it's hardly what it use to be. It's hard to pick up my instruments when it's hard to sing to anything...but I am holding onto my passion for music. I can't let it die.